How I relate (or don't relate) to all types

1. I tend to find corrections for things, and when I feel triggered by something, I may find ways on how to improve things. It's almost a natural tendency. I see a typo, I correct it in my head. I see that the menu in a restaurant is poorly designed, I propose ideas for improvement. I really fear being a bad person so I have to approach sensitive situations in a proper manner, or I may regret it after many years, as I tend to remember every bad experience, and I often end up regretting because I'm not careful enough. Much of my anger is internalized and while I don't appear critical from outside, I'm very self-critical, mainly because I see myself as rather flawed and everyone else is better than me. If I make a mistake, depending on the mistake, I may calmly fix it in one go, try to get over it by myself, or feel like a horrible person because of what I have done in the outer world. At my worst, I tend to see myself as flawed, defective, dysfunctional, and possibly mentally ill. At my best, I become more joyful, productive, and independent. I relate to the SP variant of 1 the most. I am not much of a hard worker, as I play hard, but I have some OCD-like tendencies such as checking to ensure everything is OK, and ruminating to find solutions because if I don't fret, I may easily forget and the problems will eventually find me harshly. That's why I'm so insecure because of my forgetfulness of important stuff. Writing down my worries has started helping me but I'm doing such a disgrace to myself because I really appear outwardly anxious, and everyone will be repulsed by that trait alone even if I have 50 desirable traits. I really need to practice self-compassion.
2. This isn't one of the types I consider myself, but I may really appear like a type 2 from an outside observer. I really care about being well-liked, and I would hate to be the one who is globally disliked. I am not really proactive when it comes to helping others but when there's an help request, I may reluctantly take the opportunity to help the other person because it's the good thing to do. Not helping may cause conflict and as a result, feeling defective and anxious. I am almost never seen as manipulative or possesive though so 2 (and 8) are not the types which I regularly consider. Relationships are important but it wasn't my main focus throughout my life as I was more directed towards curiosity and intellectual interests rather than people and relationships, and I pride myself on my individualism.
3. One of my biggest fears is being seen my others as a loser, and seeing myself as a worthless loser as well. I'm not really proactive and single-minded when it comes to being goal-oriented but I have my moments when I was more goal-oriented and accomplishing instead of just drifting, I feel happier and more productive. I care about external image but I may be forgetful about actually maintaining it, prefering to spontaneously adapt it instead. I may care a lot about social status, so I end up forgetting what is actually good for me, and whether or not I should actually pursue such popularity or success. I may be blinded by the prestige and fame as a result, and I end up feeling ashamed and dissatisfied with my own position even if I am just as accomplished, the grass is always greener on the other side. I care a lot about self-improvement and being the best version of myself, and I do the same thing for others. At my worst, I can really envy others and see everyone as high-class entrepreneur while myself as a village idiot who is completely defeated in life. Considering my ideal self, I become more competitive with myself and less with others, and I highly appreciate others' successes. I haven’t really considered myself as showy, and I can sometimes be too humble, but I can be rather showy when I’m trying to “prove” something or when I want ot appear cooler.
4. I am preoccupied with my identity and my flaws almost every day, to the point that I considered depression but it’s not the case. I have alwasy felt like I was less capable than others, so I felt different from others. Maybe because of my shorter height (which is just average actually) and I romanticise being tall so much that I have considered height surgery. I really envy others who seem to have an easier life because of their height, personality, status, location, or successes. I have even envied others who are not inhaling tobacco smoke as if second-hand smoking makes you inferior to others, mainly because of health risks. When I see heart disease statistics, I may envy others who don't need to worry about heart disease as much as I do because of unchangeable correlations, but I noticed that it's just hypochondria. I don't try to make others suffer but I really make myself suffer. I am utterly obsessed with enneagram/MBTI because I want to relate my identity in a bite-sized form and I also want to improve myself, and have fun relating to memes but I just can't seem to find my own type because I fit into basically everything, or nothing. I don't emphasize melancholy purposefully, but I really see myself as a melancholic old soul even if others disagree with my perception entirely. I think I relate to 6 more than 4 but SP 4 is still possible.
5. Throughout my life, I struggled with feeling less capable and more inept than others even if proven otherwise, mainly physical abilities, so I enjoyed PE classes more when I can be free to do whatever I want instead of playing a team sport. I really enjoy calisthenics and swimming as forms of exercise to improve myself, my health, my self-image, and to fight my negative emotions. I wasn't very talkative because I simply didn't find the right place for conversation during middle school. I was also bullied so that's why I felt weak and insignificant, which it added up to my low self-esteem. I have seeked information and saw it as more important than my physical needs, and I remember reading a science magazine and getting off the table ot read more and when my mouth is empty, I eat again. My interests may have been impractical but also very interesting. I became more talkative, social, and expressive over time but I'm still prizing individuality and independence. I really liked my alone time, sometimes more than socializing, so I may sometimes feel superior to others who don't really like alone time at all. I guess I have gathered information because 1- it's interesting, fun, and I love trying new things, and 2- I felt the need to feel more capable, if I can't be physically capable, then I'll invest in my brain instead. (which is actually fading and nowadays, I really value physical activity and sports, though it's still brain over brawn but more like having both)
6. I have felt like I'm a rather weak person because of my height, getting bullied, and many other factors. I was always safety-conscious but I'm combating this tendency by seeking new risks. I definitely wasn't the person who had done too many dangerous things but I have to admit that I have done them more than I initially thought. I tend to appear outwardly anxious but I hide my anxiety as much as possible to appear more desirable and approachable, but it just makes me more anxious until I actually appear outwardly anxious. I have always tried to find new ways to handle anxiety, such as writing my worries down, embracing worry instead of trying to fight against it, doing something I fear to feel confident, and many others. I have loads of fear of punishment, and while I may see myself as a diligent rule-follower, this is not always the case, in fact, I was quite rebellious at many times, especially if it didn't involve people. I was pretty conflict-avoidant though with people to not get into trouble but I was relatively unconcerned with seeking support from others unless I'm really anxious about something and even then, I primarily rely on myself first, then I turn into outer sources such as the Internet and then, I resort to other people around me. At my worst, I can easily be worry-driven and unable to see anything beyond it. At my best, I feel more relaxed, optimistic, joyful, and willing to try ot everything. I may avoid doing certain stuff because sudden worry can ruin the enjoyment of the moment. I am also rather indecisive and wanting to try out everything but at the same time, needing to choose the best option because it feels like we'll never come to the same place again. I also tend to be in extremes pretty often even though I would like to be more moderate in things.
7. I have to admit that I can be rather pleasure-seeking at times, and forget the essentials because of that. My grades used to suffer because of that but I relied on my ability to get things done fast last-minute to keep myself up. I put a lot of emphasis on positivity but I can end up being too negative myself, and feel lke being negative is wrong. I have a reputaton for being great at hard things but with easy and menial stuff, I may mess it up. I have had my rebellious moments mainly to discover something new with insatiable curiosity, such as drop-testing my items, mixing various bathing stuff, trying out private servers, and fascinating space simulators. However, while I'm considered as adventurous and curious, I'm not considered optimistic and always upbeat, which is far more important for being a 7. At my best, I am up for anything, and my ideal is to just have fun instead of being concerned about winning/losing. Basically, I work hard and play hard. At my worst, I criticize myself for not being careful or responsible enough. During my whole life, I pursued my interests and while I cared a lot about doing what I should first, I just end up instinctively do what I want first. Satisfaction and contentment is important, and I fear being deprived and trapped in pain, such as prison or death. While I'm not aggressive in a conventional sense, I may quietly do "stuff" to get what I want in order to avoid conflict but then, I may feel guilty if I feel like I don't deserve it.
8. This isn't one of the types I regularly consider. I'm way more likely to be an SX 6. But I absolutely hate doing things just because someone else told me to do it out of nowhere. It's such a disgrace for me, and it makes me feel inferior. Other than that, I can't really relate to 8's, maybe SO 8 is possible but nothing else. Oh, and I can be rather intense but not directly aggressive, and I don't express anger outwardly either.
9. I can be pretty conflict-avoidant because I don't want to feel defective, a bad person, or just ruin the enjoyment and peace. I am considered as adaptable, and I see myself in many types at once. I am more overly peaceful than overly violent, and I care a lot about likeability. I just hate hurting others and it makes me feel evil when I hurt them purposefully. When I hurt others accidentally, it may cause self-criticism about my ability to get along with others, and consider myself as mean or rude or selfish. But I don't relate to many of the 9 traits. For example, I'm more likely to maginfy some problems, and minimize others instead of being consistently minimizing. Which I can be positive, I can also be rather reactive and have a loud voice on accident. I sometimes feel lazy about starting because of my pleasure-seeking attitudes. I also relate to the stress arrow of the 9, as my mind starts racing out of nowhere. As for the 3 arrow, at my best, I become more productive and finally able to take action. I'm also pretty interested in things which are disturbing but I don't really talk about them to my friends unless it's already the topic, and even then, I may shift it into something more pleasant and joyful instead. I only really talk about my deepest negative reactions and fears with my family whereas with my friends, I prefer keeping things pleasant as much as possible, and hide any flaw to the point that I can be rather internally anxious about it.

Hi all,
We bought a house in the Midwest November of 2022 and moved in on January 1st, 2023. About a month ago, we've noticed a putrid, mildew smell in our bedroom as our days get warmer, meaning we had only lived here 4-5 months at the time. Absolutely unnoticeable prior to the first few days of warm days in Spring.
I wrote it off as a few people, one being a toddler, sleeping in a closed room in our new humid environment that is the Midwest. It got so bad one day, I had to investigate. I go in our half finished basement (the unfinished other side has a sealed slab and exposed but waterproofed cinder walls) and I peek into a vent on our only false basement wall covered in painted and trimmed beadboard. I assumed it was a circulation vent that linked our basement to our bedroom directly upstairs but what I found instead was a very dark, very damp, very unfinished basement spanning the lenght of the front of our home by maybe 2' in. I stick my hand in and take pictures with my phones flash in all directions. I see a hole on the bottom of the wall I could crawl into and a horizontal crack maybe 6 feet wide - the gap between maybe half an inch. It wasn't until yesterday I found out it's not just separating up and down but also forward about a half and inch to an inch.
I had someone come out from a very reputable company to give me a quote yesterday and though he was kind and educational, after his hour long powerpoint and inspection, gave me an estimate of $32,000 which is discounted down from around $45,000, but I'd have to commit before this Monday. I'm not going to do that.
As per our inspection prior to home purchase, the basement seemed structurally sound. Other than average moisture in our exposed basement walls and minute cracks on the exterior which we were told were fine and to just caulk eventually, all looked good. Looking yesterday, our inspection does list in the foundation section, it was a "visible-only" inspection, we weren't given any other options. A more thorough inspection was never brought up to be something we could purchase. Might I add, it's two wood screws to peek through our false wall into the flawed basement but it's 8 screws to remove the face plates from our two electrical panels, which were inspected thoroughly. I've put a humidity reader on the vent that leads to our flawed basement partition and it easily reads 20% higher than the rest of the basement, this wasn't caught. On their website it says a full inspection is expected. When the more serious findings were brought up to our realtor then, (i.e. a powerline had slack and was slightly sitting on our deck), he told us, "consider this just a manual to your house" and that nothing seemed too serious. Additional note, we did this inspection while I was across the country where we moved from.
So, we agreed to our inspection as they said all looked good. Moisture is average, we can call the electrical company and get the wire slack fixed, probably for free. Why not accept? We were then sent a few more forms including one that stated the prior owners of two years had no knowledge of foundation issues. I personally find hard to believe as the smell in theiour bedroom is almost unbarable in weather warmer than 70°+. I'm not an engineer but I don't think a home can shift two axis, to that extent in 6 months. This has also been one of the most dry and warm winters our city has had in years so to say ground water surrounding our foundation caused that much damage in such a short time is also fairly unrealistic in my mind.
I haven't sent this information and quote to our home insurance company, and though I will, I can't imagine it being covered.
All being said, I feel like there was a lot of information withheld from us to make this sell. The prior sellers were supposed to stay until we moved in, it was talked about with our realtor via both parties up until we received a signable form later in the purchasing process that claimed this was no longer the situation. They had a few days old baby and we agreed they could stay to take their time as we couldn't make it there any earlier than the date we verbally agreed to prior. I'm sure this happens a lot in home purchase agreements but it does certainly add to my suspision. We too have a child of 19 months and I now feel insecure living in our new home of less than half a year as all was said to be fine.
Am i being too emotional in this situation? Is anyone BUT me liable in this situation? We're in the state of Ohio and I know laws differ from state to state. Any questions will be answered!
TLDR: We've been in a house for less than 6 months and found out our house has major foundation issues via strong mildew smell in our bedroom above, not found in our inspection. Previous owners claimed they had no knowledge of foundation issues, but it's unlikely these issues happened in the last 6 months, let alone a years time. We weren't aware of any in-depth inspection as it wasn't offered to us. Our basement walls were considered of safe moisture but all four walls read 95%+ per our foundation consultation yesterday, May 27th, 2023. We were quoted just over $32,000 to fix our situation - about a 1/5th what we paid for this move-in ready house.

I have live in my apt for 12 yrs with my sister and her family. They are moving out and I am staying. We let LL know this and that I would be subletting the other bedroom. He said if new people were moving in he would have to make a new lease agreement and increase rent. We have been month to month for the past 11 years. We are in a rent control building. I am one of the original tenants. I want to know, do I have to sign a new lease agreement? I have been looking into it and it says I don't because I will be subletting, all he has to do is approve of the new tenant. Only reason he can increase rent is if there is an increase of people moving in, but in my case 6 are moving out and i am looking to rent to 2 people max so there would be less people. This is info I've found but I don't know how correct it is or if it applied to me. I can't afford rent on my own which is why I need a new roommate. I don't want to sign a new lease with increased rent if I don't have too. Any help would be appreciated.

I have started a new garden this year in raised beds, filling the beds entirely with compost (OMRI organic, from 2 sources; just over 7 cubic yards total). I have some notes about transplant dates and pictures that show progress, but regrettably very little (won't make that mistake again). I'm not sure which beds had more or less of the 2 different sources of compost (another mistake I won't make again).
My garden as a whole currently contains peas, cabbage, purple broccoli, green beans (3 variants), tomatoes (4 San Marzano, 6 different cherry tomatoes, 1 brandywine, and 1 recently transplanted Cherokee Purple) with radishes, beets, and onions interplanted between tomatoes, peppers, and a few different winter and summer squash variants.
I happened to notice a post on here recently about herbicide damage which prompted me to check my tomato plants (~May 24th) where I noticed some were curling in and cupping, but not as significantly as the post I had seen where others suggested herbicide damage. I did notice my pepper plants had significant curling on the leaves (transplanted 5/13 I think). These included 2 serrano, 6 jalepeno, 1 chile red, and 1 bell pepper plant.
Ever since then, I've noticed the tomatoes get more severe curling and cupping, with some being worse than others (blueberry tomato being the worst, and tropical sunset being a close second worst). I have a third blueberry tomato plant in my daughters bed which doesn't show much cupping/curling yet (but it's not pictured here). I did find a couple pictures of the tomatoes from 5/18 which I think showed relatively healthy tomato plants. The caveat is that the brandywine has never looked as healthy as the others, but it also seems to get bombarded by aphids more than the others which is what I had been attributing that to.
My gardening season as a whole has gone reasonably well up until now. This is the first year I've started my own seeds, so the majority of everything in them so far is my own transplants and direct sown plants. I have had some weird issues early on where I transplanted some radishes (and direct sowed some), direct sowed some beets, and transplanted some kale and they were all stunted (in a single bed). I also directly sowed carrots March 24th which seem to be stunted (shown in pictures). But in my tomato bed, I had radishes (direct), beets (direct), and tomatoes take off. For the most part, all other beds have really grown well.
My biggest concern is herbicide contaminated compost because it was pretty expensive to fill those beds, and it also took a lot of effort and time (borrowed trailer, loaded and unloaded twice, plus 2 trips just to fill the truck bed and unload those).
My second biggest concern is herbicide overspray. My neighbor directly beside me has a lawn that he puts a lot of effort into the grass. I'm not sure what all he has done to the grass, but he does have a lawn company come out and do stuff to it a couple times a year. I also have a field behind my backyard where I just noticed the owner this week harvesting grass into bales, then yesterday was spreading something out with his tractor and a spreader.
The fact that the tomato plants looked fine on May 18th and now don't make me think the compost isn't contaminated and points more towards either herbicide overspray or some disease. I did water everything every other day, so to rule out overwatering I stopped watering for 3 full days (but today and days to come we're getting heavy rains). As of today they're still looking rough.
I'm hoping someone here more experienced than I am can look through these pictures and help advise on what I might need to do to salvage this gardening year. I'm nervous to even eat anything out of my garden at this point such as collards, peas, or radishes since I'm uncertain if my compost is contaminated. Thanks in advance for the help!
https://imgur.com/a/s2p4jFZ

How I relate (or don't relate) to all types

1. I tend to find corrections for things, and when I feel triggered by something, I may find ways on how to improve things. It's almost a natural tendency. I see a typo, I correct it in my head. I see that the menu in a restaurant is poorly designed, I propose ideas for improvement. I really fear being a bad person so I have to approach sensitive situations in a proper manner, or I may regret it after many years, as I tend to remember every bad experience, and I often end up regretting because I'm not careful enough. Much of my anger is internalized and while I don't appear critical from outside, I'm very self-critical, mainly because I see myself as rather flawed and everyone else is better than me. If I make a mistake, depending on the mistake, I may calmly fix it in one go, try to get over it by myself, or feel like a horrible person because of what I have done in the outer world. At my worst, I tend to see myself as flawed, defective, dysfunctional, and possibly mentally ill. At my best, I become more joyful, productive, and independent. I relate to the SP variant of 1 the most. I am not much of a hard worker, as I play hard, but I have some OCD-like tendencies such as checking to ensure everything is OK, and ruminating to find solutions because if I don't fret, I may easily forget and the problems will eventually find me harshly. That's why I'm so insecure because of my forgetfulness of important stuff. Writing down my worries has started helping me but I'm doing such a disgrace to myself because I really appear outwardly anxious, and everyone will be repulsed by that trait alone even if I have 50 desirable traits. I really need to practice self-compassion.
2. This isn't one of the types I consider myself, but I may really appear like a type 2 from an outside observer. I really care about being well-liked, and I would hate to be the one who is globally disliked. I am not really proactive when it comes to helping others but when there's an help request, I may reluctantly take the opportunity to help the other person because it's the good thing to do. Not helping may cause conflict and as a result, feeling defective and anxious. I am almost never seen as manipulative or possesive though so 2 (and 8) are not the types which I regularly consider. Relationships are important but it wasn't my main focus throughout my life as I was more directed towards curiosity and intellectual interests rather than people and relationships, and I pride myself on my individualism.
3. One of my biggest fears is being seen my others as a loser, and seeing myself as a worthless loser as well. I'm not really proactive and single-minded when it comes to being goal-oriented but I have my moments when I was more goal-oriented and accomplishing instead of just drifting, I feel happier and more productive. I care about external image but I may be forgetful about actually maintaining it, prefering to spontaneously adapt it instead. I may care a lot about social status, so I end up forgetting what is actually good for me, and whether or not I should actually pursue such popularity or success. I may be blinded by the prestige and fame as a result, and I end up feeling ashamed and dissatisfied with my own position even if I am just as accomplished, the grass is always greener on the other side. I care a lot about self-improvement and being the best version of myself, and I do the same thing for others. At my worst, I can really envy others and see everyone as high-class entrepreneur while myself as a village idiot who is completely defeated in life. Considering my ideal self, I become more competitive with myself and less with others, and I highly appreciate others' successes. I haven’t really considered myself as showy, and I can sometimes be too humble, but I can be rather showy when I’m trying to “prove” something or when I want ot appear cooler.
4. I am preoccupied with my identity and my flaws almost every day, to the point that I considered depression but it’s not the case. I have alwasy felt like I was less capable than others, so I felt different from others. Maybe because of my shorter height (which is just average actually) and I romanticise being tall so much that I have considered height surgery. I really envy others who seem to have an easier life because of their height, personality, status, location, or successes. I have even envied others who are not inhaling tobacco smoke as if second-hand smoking makes you inferior to others, mainly because of health risks. When I see heart disease statistics, I may envy others who don't need to worry about heart disease as much as I do because of unchangeable correlations, but I noticed that it's just hypochondria. I don't try to make others suffer but I really make myself suffer. I am utterly obsessed with enneagram/MBTI because I want to relate my identity in a bite-sized form and I also want to improve myself, and have fun relating to memes but I just can't seem to find my own type because I fit into basically everything, or nothing. I don't emphasize melancholy purposefully, but I really see myself as a melancholic old soul even if others disagree with my perception entirely. I think I relate to 6 more than 4 but SP 4 is still possible.
5. Throughout my life, I struggled with feeling less capable and more inept than others even if proven otherwise, mainly physical abilities, so I enjoyed PE classes more when I can be free to do whatever I want instead of playing a team sport. I really enjoy calisthenics and swimming as forms of exercise to improve myself, my health, my self-image, and to fight my negative emotions. I wasn't very talkative because I simply didn't find the right place for conversation during middle school. I was also bullied so that's why I felt weak and insignificant, which it added up to my low self-esteem. I have seeked information and saw it as more important than my physical needs, and I remember reading a science magazine and getting off the table ot read more and when my mouth is empty, I eat again. My interests may have been impractical but also very interesting. I became more talkative, social, and expressive over time but I'm still prizing individuality and independence. I really liked my alone time, sometimes more than socializing, so I may sometimes feel superior to others who don't really like alone time at all. I guess I have gathered information because 1- it's interesting, fun, and I love trying new things, and 2- I felt the need to feel more capable, if I can't be physically capable, then I'll invest in my brain instead. (which is actually fading and nowadays, I really value physical activity and sports, though it's still brain over brawn but more like having both)
6. I have felt like I'm a rather weak person because of my height, getting bullied, and many other factors. I was always safety-conscious but I'm combating this tendency by seeking new risks. I definitely wasn't the person who had done too many dangerous things but I have to admit that I have done them more than I initially thought. I tend to appear outwardly anxious but I hide my anxiety as much as possible to appear more desirable and approachable, but it just makes me more anxious until I actually appear outwardly anxious. I have always tried to find new ways to handle anxiety, such as writing my worries down, embracing worry instead of trying to fight against it, doing something I fear to feel confident, and many others. I have loads of fear of punishment, and while I may see myself as a diligent rule-follower, this is not always the case, in fact, I was quite rebellious at many times, especially if it didn't involve people. I was pretty conflict-avoidant though with people to not get into trouble but I was relatively unconcerned with seeking support from others unless I'm really anxious about something and even then, I primarily rely on myself first, then I turn into outer sources such as the Internet and then, I resort to other people around me. At my worst, I can easily be worry-driven and unable to see anything beyond it. At my best, I feel more relaxed, optimistic, joyful, and willing to try ot everything. I may avoid doing certain stuff because sudden worry can ruin the enjoyment of the moment. I am also rather indecisive and wanting to try out everything but at the same time, needing to choose the best option because it feels like we'll never come to the same place again. I also tend to be in extremes pretty often even though I would like to be more moderate in things.
7. I have to admit that I can be rather pleasure-seeking at times, and forget the essentials because of that. My grades used to suffer because of that but I relied on my ability to get things done fast last-minute to keep myself up. I put a lot of emphasis on positivity but I can end up being too negative myself, and feel lke being negative is wrong. I have a reputaton for being great at hard things but with easy and menial stuff, I may mess it up. I have had my rebellious moments mainly to discover something new with insatiable curiosity, such as drop-testing my items, mixing various bathing stuff, trying out private servers, and fascinating space simulators. However, while I'm considered as adventurous and curious, I'm not considered optimistic and always upbeat, which is far more important for being a 7. At my best, I am up for anything, and my ideal is to just have fun instead of being concerned about winning/losing. Basically, I work hard and play hard. At my worst, I criticize myself for not being careful or responsible enough. During my whole life, I pursued my interests and while I cared a lot about doing what I should first, I just end up instinctively do what I want first. Satisfaction and contentment is important, and I fear being deprived and trapped in pain, such as prison or death. While I'm not aggressive in a conventional sense, I may quietly do "stuff" to get what I want in order to avoid conflict but then, I may feel guilty if I feel like I don't deserve it.
8. This isn't one of the types I regularly consider. I'm way more likely to be an SX 6. But I absolutely hate doing things just because someone else told me to do it out of nowhere. It's such a disgrace for me, and it makes me feel inferior. Other than that, I can't really relate to 8's, maybe SO 8 is possible but nothing else. Oh, and I can be rather intense but not directly aggressive, and I don't express anger outwardly either.
9. I can be pretty conflict-avoidant because I don't want to feel defective, a bad person, or just ruin the enjoyment and peace. I am considered as adaptable, and I see myself in many types at once. I am more overly peaceful than overly violent, and I care a lot about likeability. I just hate hurting others and it makes me feel evil when I hurt them purposefully. When I hurt others accidentally, it may cause self-criticism about my ability to get along with others, and consider myself as mean or rude or selfish. But I don't relate to many of the 9 traits. For example, I'm more likely to maginfy some problems, and minimize others instead of being consistently minimizing. Which I can be positive, I can also be rather reactive and have a loud voice on accident. I sometimes feel lazy about starting because of my pleasure-seeking attitudes. I also relate to the stress arrow of the 9, as my mind starts racing out of nowhere. As for the 3 arrow, at my best, I become more productive and finally able to take action. I'm also pretty interested in things which are disturbing but I don't really talk about them to my friends unless it's already the topic, and even then, I may shift it into something more pleasant and joyful instead. I only really talk about my deepest negative reactions and fears with my family whereas with my friends, I prefer keeping things pleasant as much as possible, and hide any flaw to the point that I can be rather internally anxious about it.

I just graduated undergrad. I was just offered a research assistantship and full ride in a MS Program.
But I have already committed to the Teaching Assistant in France (TAPIF) program for the coming school year. I am really excited about it because undergrad was such a brutal time in my life and I see this as a new, softer beginning.
I was told that I could start the MS program and research assistantship “as late as January 2024 or even later”.
So now I am torn. I would do both…but I feel like doing TAPIF might throw me off course. All of the knowledge I need for the MS program will never be fresher in my mind than it is now. I am also worried that if I defer, they’ll find someone better to replace me by then and that I’ll come back to the U.S. with no career prospects.
Are my fears rational? What should I do?

Hey guys, I(23F) need some advice on how to move on from my ex(24M). He cheated on me with his best friend. Stupidly, I forgave him and though that things could workout. We had be dating for 5 years and he was the first person I truly loved but, four months ago he was ignoring me the whole day and I went by his apartment to see his best friends car parked outside his place. I got angry and called him names over text. He got upset with me cause I called him a b*tch. I assumed he was cheating again, but instead he said he had a mental breakdown and cut his hair off. I was upset because he decided to call her over and have her stay the night instead of taking to me about it. So I blew up his phone and messages to the point of getting blocked. He tried to make me feel bad about my reaction, but he knows it’s triggering. In the end I left because I knew I couldn’t mentally continue to try for something when I was the only one putting in effort. Anyways, fast forward to today. I am trying to date again but it’s so hard to not continuously compare everyone to him. He was an amazing person if you could eliminate lying and cheating. I know it sounds absolutely stupid but I’m looking for advise.
How do you grow attraction for someone when it feels like the person that felt right for you is gone. I meet amazing guys who are genuinely amazing but I don’t have that connection with anyone new as I did for my ex.
Please help

So, I regularly play with a someone. Like almost every night. He plays on a 20 years old computer and it sometimes has problems. His parents can't afford to buy him a new computer.
We have never met in person. I don't even know his real name. We only know each by our usernames. I'm thinking of ordering a gaming computer and has it delivered to his place... if he ever tells me where he lives.
Is this over the top weird and creepy?

My dad cheated on all his wives and I am very upset about it.
TLDR: I feel immature for not being able to just forgive my dad for cheating on his wives and creating such a tough/ broken family life for me.
Details A few nights ago my mom was very drunk and started telling me all kind of things from when her and my dad were together. She told me everything from when she started dating as an adult, to when she met my father, to when they got married, to when they got divorced and all the details in between. I learned that night my dad cheated on my mom multiple time with multiple women and had no real remorse for it (he later had a second child also cheating on that wife which landed him in another divorce) growing up my mom was a very distraught woman - she drank a lot, and still does, and beat the crap out of me when she was drunk (until I was old and big enough to defend myself) I’m now totally convinced she only really heavily drank because of how bad her relationship with my dad was and she beat me because I was my dads child and I veryyy closely resembled my dad (we look veryyy similar physically) anyways I saw my dad a reasonable amount growing up, but my dad has told me (while drunk) if I was female or if I was gay/ bisexual (I have felt urges towards other males when I was on therapy for depression) he would have had and still have nothing to do with me. Growing up my dad never really physically disciplined me (I’ve always thought it was because he felt bad about my mom beating me) in early highs school I asked if I could move in with him and he told me no that he did not have the money to support me full time as at this point I would only be around every other weekend and some holidays (this was not consistent because there were times he would be on business trips or could not see me for one reason or another but would always try to make it up by getting me Ice cream or a new video game I really wanted) I knew it was just a way to make up by giving me material goods and at the time I was okay with it because I got something I really wanted that my mom would never get for me but now as an adult or early adult I feel much different about those gifts. my dad has always been somewhat of an idol in my eyes, but now (over the past 2-3 years) I’ve learned and see things that make me really dislike my dad as a person (I think in some ways he tried his best but I feel a high level of anger and not wanting to be associated with him) I am a huge pile of conflicted emotions and not really sure what to think about it all. Growing up my dad was supportive and came to different sports games sometimes but nothing else (I really enjoyed scholars bowl and won awards frequently and he always told me I and my nerd friends could celebrate alone) he was not very supportive when I left medicine to go into finance and he hasn’t been very supportive in my most recent relationship - this girl has been one of the most amazing partners I’ve ever had (he says we’re moving to fast and I am drifting from my family) I have recently felt that I really, in some ways, do not even want him present at my wedding (I would love his monetary support because it’s expensive, but after learning more about who he is I just feel he’s a selfish ahole who did not understand how to be faithful to a partner) my dad has had a tough life, things were not always easy for him he grew up in an emotionally abusive household and his dad ran around a lot on his mom. I’m trying to remember that the way he acted reflected what he knew or what he learned from his childhood based on the way his parents were and that’s how he became as an adult, in some ways he was just a product of his environment and in others he knew exactly what he was doing wrong and did not hint to prevent it he never went to couple therapy he never asked for a break ofr divorce before cheating. My dad is just not the man I thought he was an I’m very upset by it all. His wives have always been slightly disrespectful to me (telling me things like I don’t behave or I’m a baby for crying or I’m a wimp for not standing up for myself or I’m a loser for dropping out of med school) I realize he has his own problems and it took time for him to admit those issues and try to work through those problems, but I can’t help but thinking my dad is a POS and I feel like I’m not being very understanding and being very judgmental - this is not all about me but I’m so upset he lied about everything that happened and just continued his way of life..

I am seriously at a loss here. I've never had this issue with anyone else.
As relevant background, I have some issues around food being cooked all the way, due to some really horrible health issues as a kid. The TL;DR is that I've got ARFID coupled with a pretty severe phobia of vomiting. It sucks and even makes me anxious about what OTHER people eat.
I have two housemates who I've been friends with for a couple years. Max -- the 25NB friend in question -- and Kirby (24NB).
The most recent problem happened around dinner a few nights back I was cooking one part and Kirby was cooking the other. While Max and Kirby were talking about the part of the meal I was nervous about, I got the sense that I wasn't going to be able to eat it. I was inquiring about the texture, but I felt terrible about outright rejecting food. Max finally just said, "Yeah, you probably wouldn't like the texture."
I just sort of nervously laughed and jokingly asked, "You sure you're not just saying that so you can have my food?"
Max gave me a confused look and said no, then started saying that it was hard because they and Kirby like food the same way but I don't. I'll admit to being exasperated when I said that it isn't really that hard ... my stuff just needs to be left in longer. I might have raised my voice but I definitely didn't yell or sound angry. Max grabbed some food and left pretty soon after that (they had something they needed to get back to, so it didn't seem that weird) and then it was just me and Kirby. I apologized if I'd come off badly and Kirby assured me that I didn't, and they were sorry things weren't cooked all the way for me and would toss mine back in until it was done.
The next morning, I woke up to a wall of text from Max telling me that they were angry that I'd called them a liar, angry that I was taking my trauma out on them, and that it was clear from all the times I'd brought up my food issues that I was trying to bait them into a fight.
I was ... and still am ... pretty confused. I apologized for my tone and for getting upset, but said I never called them a liar. Apparently that remark was in response to the joke I made about them wanting my food -- I'll admit that I'm autistic and tone really isn't my strong suit. But I think the idea of me flat out calling them a liar is sort of a reach. It's not the sort of thing I'd do.
They expressed how upset they were at me for dismissing everything they'd said, and I again asserted that I was really sorry for the uncomfortable situation and for being exasperated with them, but there was some stuff they were saying that genuinely didn't happen, including all the assumptions made about what I was thinking when I'd talked about my food issues before (it's food ... it comes up a lot. I've been clear that I don't want it to cause any drama!). Things escalated to them saying they were never cooking for me again (they didn't even cook that night) and to never tell them about any of my trauma ever again.
Now one of Max's friends, extraneous to this whole situation, has been messaging me and trying to get me to listen to Max's side and apologize for calling them a liar. I feel absolutely backed into a corner and trapped. I don't think this is going away, even if I do apologize again for the situation or for making a joke at a bad time. Apparently Max's feelings about the whole situation trump anything that happened on my end.
Unfortunately this is NOT the first time this has happened. Even when I've tried to use my Therapist Voice (lots of "I feel like..."/passive voice/etc) to discuss a problem with Max (and even have people help me write things to be as non-threatening as possible), they tend to freak out, go on the offensive, not accept when I tell them I wasn't thinking anything like that at all, and argue things from a stance that makes me genuinely wonder if we experienced the same event. Details will be heavily skewed, there's either new information or information left out ... it's honestly sort of scary. I don't get the sense they're changing details on purpose, but it makes dealing with these situations that much more of a nightmare.
I have zero clue how to resolve this whole mess and I definitely don't want to drag Kirby into it. I just feel like the bad guy and I've just been hiding in my room the last few days. How do I resolve this??

Hi All,
I have currently two options on the table for jobs (full-time) that I could potentially take but want your opinions on what you would do:
Option 1: Software Manager position at well known Medicine producing company.
Pros:

• Pay is good for location and benefits are great too
• Job security since it is a stable industry
• Great milestone for my career

Cons:

• Requires relocation and is onsite 3 days
• Job Responsibilities may be too much for me to handle (too junior)
• First time living alone, have to learn the ropes (cooking, maintenance, chores, safety, etc)

Option 2: Low code engineer for government agency
Pros:

• Fully remote
• Pay is also good for government (but about 20k below other job)
• Job security since it is a stable industry
• Great foot in the door to gov work

Cons:

• Requires relocation (but much closer to home, about 25 miles)
• Simple job so might cause my skills to atrophy
• Unsure about future prospects for this kind of work

A bit on my background : I am a web developer for 2 years but stopped working for about 1 1/2 years due to family issues. I was freelancing and tried to get back in the market and landed a web dev manager job (option 1). Main concern with this job is I still feel very junior or mid-level at best to be taking on a manager role where I will be in charge of 12 other engineer who are all based in Pakistan or India (plus starting a new life in a new state). The gov job seems very cushy and honestly might be chill but I might run into the risk of stagnation and capping out in terms of salary.
Any thoughts or advice is welcome.

Hi all. I'm 20 years old, and right now my only credit card is the Discover Student credit card. I am looking to travel quite a bit in these next few years and I wanted to ask about options for a new credit card specifically for travel related purposes and/or other perks.
I travel internationally at least 3x a year, which means flights there and back. I travel domestically at least 3x a year as well. I've heard good things about American Express and Chase Sapphire, but I'm not sure what exactly suits my needs at this point in my life. I could easily meet whatever point bonus of 4,000-6,000 on rent and living expenses alone, not to mention expenses on travel. I've never had any issue paying off my current credit card and my credit score is 750-766 depending on Credit Karma/Discover. Happy to take any advice.

My cat, Carbon has been pissing randomly in the house for the past 2 weeks. The husband is at his wits end and wants to get rid of him :(
Background: Carbon is 4.5 years old fixed tuxedo cat. He has had crystals twice before and needed to go to the vet to get it cleared out. He is on specific diet food for it from the vet clinic. There are extra water fountains around the house for him to drink water. We have gone through some big changes in cat terms. 3 weeks ago a family member has moved out and we switched the sewing room and computer area. His food used to be on top of sewing desk, now it is 15 feet away on a side table. 2 months ago, we got a new cat as well. She is 1 year old and fixed. Due to her upbringing, she has butt issues which causes her to not make it in time to the litter box. There are little bits of loose stool around the litter box every time we clean it. Whenever Carbon goes to the vet, he is angry, so he will piss around the house for a week after.
I can't seem to pinpoint the cause of Carbon's piss capade. it could be both the environment change and crystals or just one. He can't get to the vet till mid-June. If it is environment, shouldn't he be getting over his angry pissing by now? He wasn't doing this the first month we had the other cat, so I don't think he is mad about that.
I would appreciate any advice or ideas to get Carbon to stop. If he keeps this up, my husband will get rid of him. My husband likes animals as we have 2 cats and a dog. He is strict with them, and views them more as animal pets then family members.

when my partner [35 NB] and I [30 F] started to get to know each other, they have told me that they're polyamorous. then i said i can't be in a relationship with them because i'm monogamous. but then they told me that they could be monogamous if they really love the person. so i decided to give it a shot with them because i really like them. for 2 years, we were happy as a couple, i really love my partner and also feel so loved by them. we talked about getting married a lot in the past 2 years and already had plans for it, they even already proposed to me last year. but in the past month, a lot of things have changed.
last month, my partner got close with their friend who's polyamorous (who's also my friend, the three of us know each other), they started talking a lot. then my partner confessed to me that they can't deny that they're poly, so they asked my opinion about it and also asked for my permission for them to see other people. so i asked them what sort of relationships they're looking for, they said they just want to connect with other people as more than friends because that way usually you can learn a lot from the person, because usually in friendships it's mostly at surface level only. i thought if it makes them happy then i'm ok with it, then we started talking about boundaries, what's ok and not ok to do with other people. we finally already agreed on certain boundaries: less physical intimacy (no sex). at the end of our conversation, my partner still reassured me that they want to marry me and come home to me as their wife. but then 3-4 weeks later, their relationship with the polyamorous friend has escalated really quickly to a very serious one (romantically). they feel that they're very compatible with each other and have a very strong connection together, and very aligned with each other. and the new girlfriend wants to visit my partner in europe for a month. my partner said the boundaries are going to be hard to be adhered when they’re in the same room together with her. to be honest i felt very overwhelmed by this sudden change. not long after that, when i asked them if they still want to marry me, they said they have to discuss with the other girlfriend because she wants to have kids meanwhile i don't (at least for now). i couldn’t help but feel really sad, why would my partner change their mind so quickly about our plans to get married. i’m still not sure if i’m selfish to want marriage from them. i just see marriage as something beautiful when 2 people commit to be there for each other for a lifetime, and there are also legal benefits to it. if i get married with my partner, i would get a spouse visa which would allow me to move to their country and live together with them (we’re in an LDR, i’m from asia and they’re from europe). but now my ex’s priorities have changed so drastically, they want to prioritize their new girlfriend’s kids so that they can be parents together. even though i get that it makes more sense for my partner to marry their girlfriend for the kids, i couldn’t help but feel left out. i couldn’t be there to be with my partner for a longer period of time without a spouse visa. i have to get another type of visa myself with much harder work (i should get a freelancer visa but my income has to be high enough, and my yearly income right now hasn’t met the requirement and i’m still working hard on my freelancing career to gain more income). my partner said that the rules about visa aren’t in their control so there’s nothing they can really do about it. i couldn’t deny that i felt disappointed by this. i was so ready to move to my partner’s country, leave my home country and my career to be with them. i had to wait for 2 years because at the time my partner was still living with their ex, and there was also the pandemic. but now when the pandemic is over and the ex finally moved out, i thought i could finally get married and be with my partner, but apparently they changed their mind about our marrying me. after talking about it to them, my partner offered me a ceremonious marriage, i think it’s better than nothing but to be honest the legal consequences of not being married to my partner still sting.
but then this morning, after talking about the whole marriage thing, my partner confessed to me that the physical attraction that they feel towards me has decreased a lot. they also didn't really realize it because they were on anti-depressants, that usually can make you feel numb. but in the past month my partner hasn't taken any AD because they want to make art (they’re an artist) so they can feel more. that’s when they realized that the physical attraction isn't really there anymore. i understand that attraction is a mystery sometimes, and my partner has no control over it. but then i thought, if i have a partner, i want them to be physically attracted to me and think that i'm hot. because my partner doesn't feel that way anymore, I decided to end the relationship. throughout all of this, they have reassured me that they love me the same, their feelings don't change, they still love me very much. this is what makes it even harder to break up, because we still love each other deeply.
to be honest i still can’t wrap my head around what happened, how my partner and I got here, and whether it’s my fault to want marriage with my partner, or maybe i should’ve put more effort into how i look so that my partner could still feel physically attracted to me, i need perspectives from other people to make sense of everything. thank you so much for reading this far, i really appreciate it.

I am homeless and unemployed. I am having a hard time finding employement. I am self-employed yard work 50 bucks a week, and not enough to Replace my stolen property.
I used the Stimulis money to start up a Professional hobby/profession for my youtube channel since then. I had my laptop stuff for 2 years 1 month and 7 days. I was trying really hard to earn 1,000 subscribers and grow my youtube channel and monetize.
My brand new $200 Backpack with my Gaming Laptop/Pc and personal belongings and stuff stolen on the 25th of January. Already did Police report and Contacted Manufacturer. Goods equaling $3,000 with Backpack Stolen.
The State/County/City does not have Compensation or Restitution for Victim's of Property Theft. I had no Insurance or Warranty. My Goal is to do this Fundraiser as a way to Replace what was wrongfully taken from me.
Please help and Thank You.
Youtube Channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqBnfnCAYy6c6jZKTlo3SlQ
Thank You and God Bless.
​
Fundraiser Link: https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8UwrHAsp8q

I know you guys aren’t doctors and I should seek medical advice, but over the years I have come to trust doctors less and less due to my personal experiences🙃. Last week I had my first OB and tested positive for HVS2. I did start seeing a new partner 10 days before my first sign of symptoms, but he has never had symptoms before and never tested positive. Can we assume that it was him who gave it to me and that he is positive and asymptomatic? Or is it possible that it’s been dormant in my body for however long and I just got my first OB late if my immune system was randomly weakened? (I did have a throat virus a few days before start of symptoms). I appreciate y’all sharing any of your guys’ experiences🩷